I would like to hug you for a long while and smile. I could be happy. Why do you have to move an hour away? It makes me so sad.

I’m sorry. I’m not good at loving others or being loved and I am not good at comunicating or being something worth anything

But I always want to keep trying, won’t you?

I skipped the block after lunch and let myself into my moms house. Im on my laptop and there was a box of pizza on the table and I ate two pieces and I am about to have the last one and go back to school in like 20 minutes

it’s mothers day so I guess I’ll go  watch movies with my mom and then I dont know

I wish….well, I wish a lot of things. nevermind.

yes i am still hurt
that you pulled such a dick move
friends with benefits?

no way I would try
something so very dumb ever again
even with someone new

~

things are still awkward
I wont talk to you or try
to fix this for you

~

trust is a stange thing
I had thought we were best friends
oh well whatever

~

i do not think you
understand how sad I have
become without us

having a friendship
exactly how it was and
i really miss you

•  i made a bunch of paper fortune tellers and they all came true except the ones I got
• did i mention my best friend is moving away next month

I got mad at my parents but my mom told me

“I don’t know how to help you with your problem.”

well I dont know what to do either

• sadder than ever
• no internet
• did i mention sadder than ever
• there is no correlation between these events by the way

reasons I’m the best

• I bake things for people I love, like nutella chocolate chip cookies
• I’m extremely funny
• my cuteness
• I dress well; hair did, nails did, everything did
• don’t like people to pay for me/buy me stuff; prefer homemade thoughtful things
• spontaneous
• likes time alone
• if I do something fucked up to somebody I appologize very uniquely
• good taste in movies and television
• i can cook amazingly
• good listener
• not forgetful (elephant memory)
• great music taste mhm
• knows where all the good and cheap restaurants are
• chill
• mature mindset but also can be an idiot
• sometimes cuddly sometimes not
• thoughtful
• intelligence
• amazing at sex

reasons I’m not

• I have a temper
• likes to be alone
• too quiet while in a bad mood
• crazy family
• generally too perfect otherwise

I was at black bonds and I bought the bell jar and mrs. dalloway

and the owner of the store (who i like very much) asked me how I was. I said “I’m okay”

she stopped and held up the novel and said “well, don’t read this if you’re just okay!”
I laughed and offered a wan smile “oh, I know.”

“It’s not that I think people should be happy and whatnot all the time, I don’t…
I think this is a very important book and everyone should read it but…
it’s…don’t get me wrong, it’s a great book. it’s very…well, it’s very persuasive.
don’t read it on a bad day.”

“oh, I have…well, I’ve read some quotes. I just…I’m finishing the great gatsby first anyway”

to summarize; yeah alright, everything is really shitty

I don’t belong here, I should go home. It’s not really home though, this is supposed to be home

my mom surprised me and came over. I’m making turkey soup all on my own and after  she gets back inside from having a cigarette we are going to watch kiki’s delivery service

I dont want to be here all alone, it takes too much effort to make tea

 I want a nice hug. I want someone to hold me while I’m sick okay

I am a good person

I deserve these things

my body is really weak. I am so tired but I can’t sleep anymore. It’s cold in here and so quiet and lonely I could just cry or scream